A Letter to My Daughter
When I read your note about all your feelings and ways in which you beat yourself up I thought it's no wonder she's having a rough time. I agreed with many things you said and believe me your self awareness is pretty good but not as gentle as I would like for my oldest daughter. Acceptance is just sitting quietly and acknowledging what's true. What's true is you're having a wonderful time and there are days when you meltdown. What's true is that you have limiting beliefs about yourself and are ordering shit sandwiches instead of roast beef. You are Gold my dear. Your greatest worry shouldn't be that you are nuisance to someone else. There is no such thing as a 'great' worry. Worries aren't great.
This approval seeking is immobilizing you and making you neurotic but don't worry my sweet daughter it happens to the best of us. This universal popularity you so desire with every fiber of your being is.... well.... shall we say a waste of time.
I agreed when you said you need more self love and as a recovering self-loather I really get that and it's an ongoing process believe me. We all have things we hate about ourselves but that's not what we should be focusing on. Gratitude is a far more productive emotion and I'm happy to hear you are practicing it.
You are worthy of love, belonging and Joy and when you believe that, it's just a matter of time before you begin attracting people to mirror that back to you. It will happen and please don't forget to smile because nobody approaches anyone who isn't smiling. I discovered the power of a smile in my twenties. In a bar or café people approach you when you are smiling. It's warm. At work I was more approachable with a smile on my face. Your Dad will come into the office in the mornings and sit with me if I'm smiling and if I'm not, he goes in the other room. Do your own experiment for the next 30 days and report back. I would love to hear. A smile means there's a lovely caring person inside who won't be mean to them. Everyone is fighting a hard battle. The same one you are.
You are such a blessing here, there and everywhere. You need only to be happy with yourself and right now your negative self talk is through the roof! These irrational thinking loops are creating shit storms in your head. No! Your friends didn't ditch you, No your friends didn't tour around without you-you just didn't catch up to them. No you didn't feel like going to the gym because you would rather eat pastry and sit on Netflix this week. So what! There are days to be busy and days to be kind and say to hell with it. Sometimes you just need a regroup.
God is working this out. It's wonderful to see.
Love you my oldest and wiser-then-me-at-your-age-daughter and thank you for sharing your feelings with me.
I'm thankful you did.
Love MOM
This approval seeking is immobilizing you and making you neurotic but don't worry my sweet daughter it happens to the best of us. This universal popularity you so desire with every fiber of your being is.... well.... shall we say a waste of time.
I agreed when you said you need more self love and as a recovering self-loather I really get that and it's an ongoing process believe me. We all have things we hate about ourselves but that's not what we should be focusing on. Gratitude is a far more productive emotion and I'm happy to hear you are practicing it.
You are worthy of love, belonging and Joy and when you believe that, it's just a matter of time before you begin attracting people to mirror that back to you. It will happen and please don't forget to smile because nobody approaches anyone who isn't smiling. I discovered the power of a smile in my twenties. In a bar or café people approach you when you are smiling. It's warm. At work I was more approachable with a smile on my face. Your Dad will come into the office in the mornings and sit with me if I'm smiling and if I'm not, he goes in the other room. Do your own experiment for the next 30 days and report back. I would love to hear. A smile means there's a lovely caring person inside who won't be mean to them. Everyone is fighting a hard battle. The same one you are.
You are such a blessing here, there and everywhere. You need only to be happy with yourself and right now your negative self talk is through the roof! These irrational thinking loops are creating shit storms in your head. No! Your friends didn't ditch you, No your friends didn't tour around without you-you just didn't catch up to them. No you didn't feel like going to the gym because you would rather eat pastry and sit on Netflix this week. So what! There are days to be busy and days to be kind and say to hell with it. Sometimes you just need a regroup.
God is working this out. It's wonderful to see.
Love you my oldest and wiser-then-me-at-your-age-daughter and thank you for sharing your feelings with me.
I'm thankful you did.
Love MOM
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